Like our first article about impaired judgment here is another that has to go down in our book of drunken times.

Being a professional Social Networker you go where the people are, THE BARS!!.. After a few hours at our second bar and meeting new people and joking around with our cocktail waitress we ask for our bill. It was only $12. It was happy hour but this cocktail waitress really hooked us up. Our bill should have been around $65, we do order doubles!! She was so nice and flirting with us we decided to give her a $30 tip..

After letting everyone know where to go to get drinks, and how cool this chick was for hooking us up, I start to realize something. We did buy a bottle of Vodka! We poured it in Diet Dr. Peppers and brought it into the bar with us. We also ordered a drink from the cocktail waitress. We were just filling up our drinks with what we brought in. The cocktail waitress was still cool and having fun with us.

So all in all I guess she deservers the $30 tip!

Getting into the A list clubs.

Some people might say too much alcohol can impair your judgment, I say it makes your night a lot more interesting and gives you a story to write about.

After a long day of drinking and a short day of working we decide to head out to HOLLYWOOD!! The first spot we see is the Roosevelt Hotel. We enter the hotel and ask a worker what is going on tonight?

They tell us “Teddy’s a club connected to the hotel”. We ask where it is and they point to the front “but you won’t be able to get in” they said. Oh really!!!

We walk through the hotel trying to find the front and where teddy’s would be. I see the bar and head straight for it. As we approach the bar we see a massive bouncer standing there. As we get closer he walks away and turns his back to speak with someone, and we slip into the place. I look over to my friend with a fat grin and say “WERE IN” we walk to the tables and couches and I head straight for the bar, I quickly pull up a chair trying to establish myself like I been here for a while and before anyone notices we just snuck in. I led the way so I felt like the man getting us in a top club. I was like a kid on x-mas morning, my ego was big, I felt like this was going to be a crazy night, don’t forget I was drinking most of the day.

The bartender comes up and asks us what we want and it’s the usual, 2 vodka doubles with diet coke. I get my bill and its $50 bucks for 2 drinks. I guess you have to be an A lister to get in and afford this shit.

I ask the bartender so what’s going on tonight. He points right behind me and said Teddy’s is going off but you guys won’t be able to get in. Where the fucks are we then?? The Library Bar AKA the hotel lobby bar!!! The bouncer was just standing there talking to a friend and walked back over to his post.. He didn’t turn his back, we didn’t slip in and when it was all said and done WE COULNT GET IN. If your not on the list or with an A lister you don’t have a chance..

We did have a lot of fun in the lobby with a bunch of other girls who couldn’t get in and were staying at the hotel and we saw a few celebrities.

Teddys Lounge

The worst news a guy can get is when their girlfriend calls and says….”I’m late on my period.” So whats the next step? 9 out of 10 times she’s not pregnant, so you have pretty good odds that your in the clear.

Once a woman is late on her period, she panics. She can’t stop thinking about it and her mind starts playing tricks on her. Everyday that goes by she stresses more and more. When girls stress out, they can’t have their period. The absolute trick to get her to have her period is to get their mind off them not having their period.

The Plan

Once you get the call you must be prepared. Shortly after her saying “I’m late and scared,” wait on day and ask her to go out. Do not let her know where until she commits. Then you’re on your way to the nearest rollercoaster or theme park. This is a no brainer. Get her on a rollercoaster and her mind is somewhere else. If you get to Magic Mountain and she’s on the Viper……..she’ll be bleeding in no time! This is your best bet!

Another great place less direct but does the job….is a pier with carnival. A buccaneer type ride or even bumper cars will have her gushing. Then you’re  back in control and in the driver seat. You tell her this place sucks and off to the bar with your friends.

What’s your technique?

Okay, its Friday night and you’re out with the guys. You leave your somewhat girlfriend behind because hey……after all it is Friday. So, after a few rounds at the bar and nothing too exciting is happening all of you end up at the local strip club. There’s Candy, Blaze, Diamond, and Fire and they all look hot.

DJ announces its 2 for 1 lap dances so you’re ready. Diamond and Fire approach you and you pass them up because Candy is just looking super hot tonight. So, one lap dance turns into 10 and you’re at your house now. She’s rocking in bed and she’s hot! One night turns into 3 weeks and before you know it you’re dating a stripper and love it!

So, if this is the case, Do NOT take her to a nice restaurant or any family events and absolutely NOTHING LOCAL.  Because when she goes to a nice place she wears the same things she wears at work!! Think about it..

I accidently made that mistake and took a stripper to Ruths Chris steakhouse with some friends. Everyone there is dressed up in clean cut clothes and here we come in. Me in slacks and a tie, and then a hustler centerfold look alike walks in.. lets just say the whole place got quiet and I looked like a male Pimp.

DUDE. here’s what you do! LIVE IT UP! DONT FALL IN LOVE ! IT AINT REAL! You have a hot piece of arm candy. She’s probably dumb as rocks, but its a good fun couple of months. Chances are she’s dated a million dudes,  gets bored quick, and your penis is half of what she’s had before. But hey she’s a stripper. So, to keep this going and have fun for a while and keep it for the record books and to be able to brag to your friends about..

Use HER slutty good looks to  your advantage. Make her order food, drinks, etc. You just stand there…..I bet you will get all things for free and you save money and you look like you have a hot girl on check.  She knows how to work it so its a guarantee.

So don’t fall in love.  3 months she’s leaving you anyways…….so the ticket is to leave her first. That will keep her hooked and coming back way later on….also, she’ll never know the truth about the lies you told her.

So if you ever get lucky enough for this make sure to live it up and fill The DK report in with details.