The worst news a guy can get is when their girlfriend calls and says….”I’m late on my period.” So whats the next step? 9 out of 10 times she’s not pregnant, so you have pretty good odds that your in the clear.

Once a woman is late on her period, she panics. She can’t stop thinking about it and her mind starts playing tricks on her. Everyday that goes by she stresses more and more. When girls stress out, they can’t have their period. The absolute trick to get her to have her period is to get their mind off them not having their period.

The Plan

Once you get the call you must be prepared. Shortly after her saying “I’m late and scared,” wait on day and ask her to go out. Do not let her know where until she commits. Then you’re on your way to the nearest rollercoaster or theme park. This is a no brainer. Get her on a rollercoaster and her mind is somewhere else. If you get to Magic Mountain and she’s on the Viper……..she’ll be bleeding in no time! This is your best bet!

Another great place less direct but does the job….is a pier with carnival. A buccaneer type ride or even bumper cars will have her gushing. Then you’re  back in control and in the driver seat. You tell her this place sucks and off to the bar with your friends.

What’s your technique?

Two days had passed since I iced my shoulder after another stellar performance for my college football team. That day with no ice packs in the freezer, I used a piece of steak just like an ice pack and relaxed.

 After a couple days, to help speed up the healing process I spun the rolodex and came out a Hot Blonde! Within 10 minutes, she was naked and things were going great!!!! A few minutes of missionary, ankles in the air, then the normal switch a roo. I kept it real for Snoop and got the bed rockin with some doggy style action, but then things started to take an unexpected turn!

Inch by inch the bed was almost in the middle of the room! Cool I thought. Yes, cool I “thought!” While watching the waves on her butt go back and forth, I noticed a HORIFIC smell! I was like, “what the hell!” I know she could smell it too and was embarrassed for her so I didn’t say anything, just hoping it would go away and continued on. The smell left for just a second when the bed moved again and WOW! It was like a dead rat crawled up her ass! Gross I thought. I couldn’t take it anymore! I finally stopped and said three words. “YOU GOTTA GO!” With nothing to say, she got dressed, pushed my bed back against the wall and walked out the door! Never to be heard from again!

This quickly became the worst sex experience of my life!!!!! Quickly called the fellas and told them what had happened, went to a friends house and didn’t come home for three days~! When I did, the cleaning lady was over she said there was a gross stench coming from my room…? Puzzled so I asked her to help. She walked in there moved my bed and there was a rotten 12 OZ filet mignon sitting there reeking up the place! I fell asleep when I iced my shoulder and it fell down the side of the bed. LOL. And it hit me. It wasn’t the blonde, it was my steak! LOL That’s what reeked the whole time! LOL. She left so quick she probably thought it was me that stunk somehow and wanted to get out! If I only could talk to her now! Haha!

The economy is tough right now! Unemployment is up and this generation is the first that is going to live less of a standard of living than the one before! Don’t quote me, but I don’t think that has ever happened in America. 

If your one of those people who lost their job, lost their wife, and their hair, all because you lost your MONEY here is what you do! Think of what you like ( anything ).Put a business plan together and at the end just add HOT GIRLS TO IT! That’s how a mediocre business idea can turn from rags to riches! 

The D had an idea one day…..and said “ lets start a hot dog cart” they make some money and its fun! “LAME”  instantly came out of the K’s mouth. Two minutes later, we both said, lets just add HOT GIRLS  to it and have them sell it! Hence HOT BUNS was invented and is soon to take off!

 So making money isn’t that hard! Just don’t over think it and after every idea just add HOT GIRLS to it and it’s a winner winner chicken dinner idea.  Also how the theDKreport exploded. If you think about it, almost EVERY company has a little DK in their blood! Companies of all different sizes use it! Car Washes, restaurants, and even companies such as Wells Fargo do this. The first thing you see is a hot chick and it’s the last thing you see! Your definitely coming back!

While Charlie Sheen put “WINNING” on the map and Hugh Hefner scored his two sisters, Mike the “Situation” from the Jersey Shore brought this  to another level! That’s right folks! “TWINNING!” Although his outcome wasn’t exactly what he expected, his mindset was right on target! Check out the Jersey Shore to get an idea of what we are talking about! The DK Report Tip: Twinning “is” Winning!!!

The DkReport.com took their kind of annual GTC (Good Time Crew) trip to Las Vegas and of course came back with some stories.

This year’s theme was to make sure that “The K” didn’t get arrested.

After being up for more then 24 hours we decided to go back to the room for a 30 min power nap around 10:30am Saturday. About an hour later our phone rings and Big Dog say’s yes i know him and hangs up. Well it just so happens “The K” isn’t so much of a sleep walker as he is a drunk walker. its still uncertain why, he got up and where all he went, but “the K” managed to leave the room and fall a sleep in some one elses room, with out their consent!

Somewhere between 11-12 he drunk walked around the hotel, and back to our room, but the only problem was he was 5 floors below our actual room. Maids had been cleaning a room and he decided this was his room and time to pass out.

Security was called and this is where the fun begins. In a hotel most rooms and hallways look alike. Security woke him up and in a stupor he told security to get out he was trying to get some rest. They said, “sir” that is fine, but this isn’t your ROOM!

So the K said, “what”…….? “yes it is look around”

With nothing in the room, the K was a little nervous as to where he was…..they then said, “where is your room and how will I know where it is?” The K responded the way the DK report would respond….he said, “its the only room in the hotel with lots of bottom shelf vodka in it”! hahah! After going two more floors up security started to question If he really was staying at this hotel. Lucky enough they gave him one last shot to remember who the room was under, to verify he was a guest. Security finally escorted him to the correct room, checked for Vodka “and” then the K was able to really pass out!

As we left the hotel to go party, the same security guards saw us and said, ” you might want to do a buddy system with that guy.”

Another DK living the dream story! hahaha!

Okay, its Friday night and you’re out with the guys. You leave your somewhat girlfriend behind because hey……after all it is Friday. So, after a few rounds at the bar and nothing too exciting is happening all of you end up at the local strip club. There’s Candy, Blaze, Diamond, and Fire and they all look hot.

DJ announces its 2 for 1 lap dances so you’re ready. Diamond and Fire approach you and you pass them up because Candy is just looking super hot tonight. So, one lap dance turns into 10 and you’re at your house now. She’s rocking in bed and she’s hot! One night turns into 3 weeks and before you know it you’re dating a stripper and love it!

So, if this is the case, Do NOT take her to a nice restaurant or any family events and absolutely NOTHING LOCAL.  Because when she goes to a nice place she wears the same things she wears at work!! Think about it..

I accidently made that mistake and took a stripper to Ruths Chris steakhouse with some friends. Everyone there is dressed up in clean cut clothes and here we come in. Me in slacks and a tie, and then a hustler centerfold look alike walks in.. lets just say the whole place got quiet and I looked like a male Pimp.

DUDE. here’s what you do! LIVE IT UP! DONT FALL IN LOVE ! IT AINT REAL! You have a hot piece of arm candy. She’s probably dumb as rocks, but its a good fun couple of months. Chances are she’s dated a million dudes,  gets bored quick, and your penis is half of what she’s had before. But hey she’s a stripper. So, to keep this going and have fun for a while and keep it for the record books and to be able to brag to your friends about..

Use HER slutty good looks to  your advantage. Make her order food, drinks, etc. You just stand there…..I bet you will get all things for free and you save money and you look like you have a hot girl on check.  She knows how to work it so its a guarantee.

So don’t fall in love.  3 months she’s leaving you anyways…….so the ticket is to leave her first. That will keep her hooked and coming back way later on….also, she’ll never know the truth about the lies you told her.

So if you ever get lucky enough for this make sure to live it up and fill The DK report in with details.

Like our first article about impaired judgment here is another that has to go down in our book of drunken times.

Being a professional Social Networker you go where the people are, THE BARS!!.. After a few hours at our second bar and meeting new people and joking around with our cocktail waitress we ask for our bill. It was only $12. It was happy hour but this cocktail waitress really hooked us up. Our bill should have been around $65, we do order doubles!! She was so nice and flirting with us we decided to give her a $30 tip..

After letting everyone know where to go to get drinks, and how cool this chick was for hooking us up, I start to realize something. We did buy a bottle of Vodka! We poured it in Diet Dr. Peppers and brought it into the bar with us. We also ordered a drink from the cocktail waitress. We were just filling up our drinks with what we brought in. The cocktail waitress was still cool and having fun with us.

So all in all I guess she deservers the $30 tip!

Getting into the A list clubs.

Some people might say too much alcohol can impair your judgment, I say it makes your night a lot more interesting and gives you a story to write about.

After a long day of drinking and a short day of working we decide to head out to HOLLYWOOD!! The first spot we see is the Roosevelt Hotel. We enter the hotel and ask a worker what is going on tonight?

They tell us “Teddy’s a club connected to the hotel”. We ask where it is and they point to the front “but you won’t be able to get in” they said. Oh really!!!

We walk through the hotel trying to find the front and where teddy’s would be. I see the bar and head straight for it. As we approach the bar we see a massive bouncer standing there. As we get closer he walks away and turns his back to speak with someone, and we slip into the place. I look over to my friend with a fat grin and say “WERE IN” we walk to the tables and couches and I head straight for the bar, I quickly pull up a chair trying to establish myself like I been here for a while and before anyone notices we just snuck in. I led the way so I felt like the man getting us in a top club. I was like a kid on x-mas morning, my ego was big, I felt like this was going to be a crazy night, don’t forget I was drinking most of the day.

The bartender comes up and asks us what we want and it’s the usual, 2 vodka doubles with diet coke. I get my bill and its $50 bucks for 2 drinks. I guess you have to be an A lister to get in and afford this shit.

I ask the bartender so what’s going on tonight. He points right behind me and said Teddy’s is going off but you guys won’t be able to get in. Where the fucks are we then?? The Library Bar AKA the hotel lobby bar!!! The bouncer was just standing there talking to a friend and walked back over to his post.. He didn’t turn his back, we didn’t slip in and when it was all said and done WE COULNT GET IN. If your not on the list or with an A lister you don’t have a chance..

We did have a lot of fun in the lobby with a bunch of other girls who couldn’t get in and were staying at the hotel and we saw a few celebrities.

Teddys Lounge